Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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