last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize