Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
