I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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