Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
that is very illegal...i love you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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