Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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