I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
