addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
