Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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