Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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