walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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