I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
