You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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