sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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