I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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