You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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