areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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