shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
