you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
