Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
