Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize