so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
