I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
