I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"it" just moved
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
