So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
