Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
