I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
