I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
