I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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