Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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