if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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