yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
