found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She bit a glass in half.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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