Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
