why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
