I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The beer is more important than you right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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