You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
