now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
