god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
