in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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