If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
soo... how was my night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
