im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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