dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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