At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
