the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We are two peas in an std pod
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
