wakey wakey hands off snakey
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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