That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
