If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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