Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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