How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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