I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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