YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize