just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
