Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
