i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
