I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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