I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's get the cat blown out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
