I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
