My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
