we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize