ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
