i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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