Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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