i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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