At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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