so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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