Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
