so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
