Ambien. No doubt about it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
