i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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