at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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