he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
